Forgive my ignorance, I did search but there is so much information I just couldn't find an exact answer - Is there a way to disable the menu buttons from 'beeping' every time you press the touchscreen? It drives me nuts I just want it to be silent! Thanks...

Menu > Settings > Volume

Is it seriously that easy to do? I was fooling with it today and couldn't get find where I could do it. Am I just retarded?

There's... always that possibility.