That sounds like an iPhone bluetooth stack issue.
I use this feature all the time and if I am listening to bluetooth-streamed audio off my phone and turn the car off it pauses the phone's media player. When I turn the car back on it is still in bluetooth mode, it re-connects and resume playing automatically from where it left off.
In addition my steering wheel controls for track forward/back work as well. I have a BlackBerry Z10.
Does the track and artist name along with the time bar come up on your unit when playing off the iPhone? If not then control channel support is not there on the source (phone) device; it's either turned off or has a compatibility problem of some sort.
On the Galaxy phones (android) some of them do not display the time bar -- again, due to limitations in what they have available on the control channel (AVRCP.) However, all the Android devices I've used against the 4000 do have basic (next/previous track, etc) playback controls and properly handle pause/resume.
Bluetooth audio has two components -- the actual audio codec itself to play the music and the control channel, which is a separate protocol. If the control channel does not attach music will play but you have no control capabilities.